Feb 29: Bush and Kerry Reminisce

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11:18 AM EST Friday February 29, 2008

Bush43: You there?

IStillMatter: Yes

Bush43: Happy Leap Year Day!

IStillMatter: I don't understand

Bush43: It's the February bonus day
Bush43: The one we put on the calendar every 4 years
Bush43: To allow an extra day for campaigning

IStillMatter: I thought it had to do with calibrating the Earth's orbital timing
IStillMatter: A complete solar orbit is actually 365.3 days

Bush43: You sound like Gore
Bush43: Ya' gonna write a movie - "An Inconveenyet Orbit"?

IStillMatter: yi, yi, yi, yiiiiiii
IStillMatter: Leap Year is an accepted scientific truth
IStillMatter: The calculus has no detractors

Bush43: Gee thanks, smarty pants
Bush43: You trying to win a Noble Prize?

IStillMatter: That sarcasm is really not necessary
IStillMatter: And it's "Nobel"

Bush43: Whatever...
Bush43: So whaddaya up to today?

IStillMatter: Sitting here stunned that I am trading IMs with you

Bush43: Remember where we were 4 years ago?

IStillMatter: I was preparing for Super Tuesday - it was March 2, 2004
IStillMatter: Edwards was reeling

Bush43: You kicked his butt - took CA, NY and won 10 out of 9

IStillMatter: 10 out of 9?

Bush43: Whatever - you should know, you were there

IStillMatter: Yes, I was...

Bush43: Why did you choose pretty boy as VP?

IStillMatter: You know how it works - regional presence

Bush43: Too bad he couldn't influenza his own state.

IStillMatter: Uh, yeah.... that was a horrifying surprise
IStillMatter: I was not ebullient

Bush43: You were not what?

IStillMatter: Ebullient
IStillMatter: It's a fairly common S.A.T. word

Bush43: Sounds like the little cubes that make soup

IStillMatter: That's bullion!

Bush43: I thought bullion was gold
Bush43: We keep it in Fort Knocks

IStillMatter: You mean Knox!

Bush43: Stop correctin' me

IStillMatter: This is painful...

Bush43: 4 years ago Rove was tellin' me we were gonna whup you

IStillMatter: I can't believe you are commander in chief

Bush43: I also lead the military

IStillMatter: Ugh...

Bush43: You got indigestion?

IStillMatter: No, I have a headache

Bush43: You need an asspurin

IStillMatter: No kidding?!?!

Bush43: The Surgeon General brings 'em to me
Bush43: He's a doctor, but not a general like in the military

IStillMatter: I KNOW who the Surgeon General is

Bush43: That headache is makin' you testy

IStillMatter: No SH*T

Bush43: You constipateteed too?

IStillMatter: I am going to kill myself...

Bush43: You still not over the election?
Bush43: Or did you wake up still married to Heinz?

IStillMatter: I have to go

Bush43: Sounds like the constipashun might be fixed

IStillMatter: Good bye

Bush43: Ahdeeoce!
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Feb 28: Hillary Makes A Play

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7:28 AM EST Monday February 28, 2008

It'sNotOver: Hey cutie...

Delegates4U: beg your pardon?

It'sNotOver: Smile for mommy

Delegates4U: I am suddenly very, very uncomfortable

It'sNotOver: C'mon now, you play around...

Delegates4U: Where is this going?

It'sNotOver: How about some love for some delegates?

Delegates4U: Ughhh... I just had breakfast
Delegates4U: You are not my type, Senator

It'sNotOver: No, no, no, sweetie...
It'sNotOver: I would have a surrogate handle the program for me

Delegates4U: This is now weird
Delegates4U: How many friggin' surrogates are in your campaign?

It'sNotOver: A lot...
It'sNotOver: Outsourcing is common these days

Delegates4U: Not by married men

It'sNotOver: C'mon, Johnny, we all know you are not 100% married

Delegates4U: I getting uncomfortable again

It'sNotOver: The good news is...

Delegates4U: There is GOOD news?

It'sNotOver: YOU get to pick the surrogate!
It'sNotOver: Any of a number of Hollywood glam-girls!

Delegates4U: Hmm,... on second thought
Delegates4U: Let me think for a minute

It'sNotOver: Any favorites?

Delegates4U: How about Renee Witherspoon or Amber Tamblyn?

It'sNotOver: Wow - interesting choices
It'sNotOver: There's a 7 year gap between them...
It'sNotOver: Renee may need to get a sitter, too
It'sNotOver: Why not go young and book Amber?

Delegates4U: Very analytical..
Delegates4U: I agree - Amber it is!

It'sNotOver: Good choice...
It'sNotOver: Hang on, I'll txt here and check
It'sNotOver: brb


It'sNotOver: ...waiting for a reply...

It'sNotOver: Crap! She says that day is double-booked

Delegates4U: Tell her to cancel...
Delegates4U: Don't you have the juice?

It'sNotOver: YES I DO
It'sNotOver: txting again...

It'sNotOver: waiting...

It'sNotOver: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!

Delegates4U: Calm down...
Delegates4U: What's up?

It'sNotOver: She's double booked with BILL!

Delegates4U: Oh boy...

It'sNotOver: I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!

Delegates4U: Well, Senator... ahem....
Delegates4U: YOU sent him out to the tier-2 markets to keep him away from National media...

It'sNotOver: I AM AWARE OF THAT!

Delegates4U: He was left unattended and must have got bored

It'sNotOver: THANK-YOU-DR.-PHIL!

Delegates4U: I'm having second thoughts here

It'sNotOver: Wait, wait wait...
It'sNotOver: I can set this up with someone else
It'sNotOver: Christie Brinkley is a reliable firewall!

Delegates4U: You like to invoke firewalls when you are losing, don't you?

It'sNotOver: I am suddenly not liking your tone

Delegates4U: Fine. Whatever...
Delegates4U: The answer is no.

It'sNotOver: Wait, wait, wait
It'sNotOver: Don't close the window!

Delegates4U: Goodbye, Senator


Delegates4U: *click*

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Feb 27: Obama and McCain are Giddy

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5:21 AM EST Wednesday February 27, 2008

POWSenator: Hey Champ!

BigMo4DC: Good Morning, Senator
BigMo4DC: Let's not get carried away

POWSenator: A tie goes to the front-runner!

BigMo4DC: Again, there's a long way to go

POWSenator: Not for me!

BigMo4DC: I get that - but I still have work to do

POWSenator: Not for long you don't

BigMo4DC: DUDE!
BigMo4DC: This is like trying to study when a fraternity brother wants to party!

POWSenator: Beer run?

BigMo4DC: Texas and Ohio are in a week and I have to keep putting pressure on her

POWSenator: Not to take credit from you, but...
POWSenator: She's doing a bang-up job of losing - and it's ugly!
POWSenator: Who could have predicted such an implosion?

BigMo4DC: I like to think MY TEAM had something to do with it

POWSenator: That's the fighting spirit I know and love!

BigMo4DC: I have not stopped fighting - it's keeping me busy
BigMo4DC: Don't YOU have something to do?

POWSenator: Except for watching the NY Times crucify its own staff,... no.

BigMo4DC: You handled it well.

POWSenator: Yeah,... kinda boring just sitting around waiting for the convention
POWSenator: Hey - wanna go to a baseball game?

BigMo4DC: You're serious?

POWSenator: Cubs - D-Backs, baby!
POWSenator: They play at Wrigley May 9-10-11

BigMo4DC: That would be fun, actually

POWSenator: I'll check www.stubhub.com and try to get 37 seats together

BigMo4DC: 37?

POWSenator: Wives, Children, Secret Service... it adds up
POWSenator: Barack, we are about to experience a whole new level of complexity
POWSenator: This summer, we can't burp without making headlines

BigMo4DC: Not looking forward to that part

POWSenator: A baseball game with the families would show we are regular guys and friendly competitors

BigMo4DC: If I catch a foul ball, I could give it to a disabled person

POWSenator: See - you DO like the idea!

BigMo4DC: Sports pages everywhere would have a photo of me giving you the ball

POWSenator: Huh?
POWSenator: Oh, I GET IT... very funny...
POWSenator: Don't be "a clinton"

BigMo4DC: now THAT's very funny
BigMo4DC: Really, I gotta go

POWSenator: So, you'll think about it?

BigMo4DC: Sure

POWSenator: Keep up the good work
POWSenator: But only until your convention
POWSenator: ;)

BigMo4DC: Take Care, Senator

POWSenator: You too

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Feb 26: Kerry Encourages Obama

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8:52 AM EST Tuesday February 26, 2008

IStillMatter: Barack?

BigMo4DC: Hello, Senator

IStillMatter: Good luck tonight in Cleveland

BigMo4DC: Thank You

IStillMatter: I mean that

BigMo4DC: I believe you

IStillMatter: This is entertaining

BigMo4DC: Sorry?

IStillMatter: They screwed me, so to speak

BigMo4DC: I understand

IStillMatter: They wanted me to lose!
IStillMatter: Now their plan has back-fired

BigMo4DC: The scenario is widely circulated and understood

IStillMatter: I will enjoy watching that carpet bagger and her zipper-challenged husband go down in flames!
IStillMatter: I will be rooting for you tonight

BigMo4DC: Again, thank you Senator

IStillMatter: Destroy her!

BigMo4DC: You sure seem intense

IStillMatter: Intense?
IStillMatter: You should see Gore!

BigMo4DC: Well, Gore is doing good work in the investment community
BigMo4DC: and...time heals all wounds

IStillMatter: Time heals?
IStillMatter: Maybe in 2075 when the Earth is 200 degrees...
IStillMatter: Until then, I would say he's still pissed

BigMo4DC: I need to prepare and it looks like you could use a drink

IStillMatter: Maybe I do need one

BigMo4DC: Thank you for the encouragement

IStillMatter: One last thing...

BigMo4DC: O.K.

IStillMatter: A little secret weapon for you

BigMo4DC: What is it?

IStillMatter: I found out something about Hillary
IStillMatter: Interested?

BigMo4DC: Well, we KNOW her surrogates circulated the pictures of me in Arab garb this morning...

IStillMatter: No, this is better

BigMo4DC: What is it

IStillMatter: Hillary is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: WTF?!?

IStillMatter: I was similarly surprised!

BigMo4DC: No, no, no - that's not it
BigMo4DC: I think you mean something MUCH MUCH different

IStillMatter: But I got this from a reliable source

BigMo4DC: Where?

IStillMatter: An associate had breakfast with Karl Rove
IStillMatter: Rove accidentally left a paper marked "intelligence" report on the table when he left

BigMo4DC: Accidentally?...
BigMo4DC: When does Rove "accidentally" do anything?

IStillMatter: You think I am being used?

BigMo4DC: What do YOU think?

IStillMatter: I think America should know if the next President is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: I think you should have a nice stiff drink

IStillMatter: Good luck

BigMo4DC: Thanks

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Feb 25: Hill Checks-On Bill

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5:14 AM EST Monday February 25, 2008

It'sNotOver: Bill?

LoveBubba: Oh, Hi - NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU

It'sNotOver: Still upset about being sent to the field?

LoveBubba: YES I am...

It'sNotOver: You were pissing off the National Media and Voters
It'sNotOver: It was impacting the campaign

LoveBubba: Well, you're doing a helluva job without me

It'sNotOver: Stuff the sarcasm
It'sNotOver: We have talked about this!

LoveBubba: I feel like Willard effing Scott
LoveBubba: Barnstorming %&#*%! county fairs
LoveBubba: I gave a speech from the back of a pickup truck!

It'sNotOver: Really?

LoveBubba: Yes, really - here's the picture























It'sNotOver: Hmm, I see your point

LoveBubba: Gee, thanks...

It'sNotOver: Where were you?

LoveBubba: Armpit, Texas

It'sNotOver: Be nice

LoveBubba: Seriously, Hilla - I'm bouncing around tier-2 markets and speaking to half-full gymnasiums at doggone high schools

It'sNotOver: That's what we sent you to do

LoveBubba: I'll miss your Cleveland debate because the motel - yes a MOTEL - doesn't have cable!

It'sNotOver: Oh well,...

LoveBubba: Let me come back home

It'sNotOver: Nope. Too risky

LoveBubba: I can't believe I am doing this
LoveBubba: I haven't seen a mainstream reporter in 2 weeks

It'sNotOver: Exactly
It'sNotOver: Bye -

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Feb 23: Cheney Starts Trouble

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9:11 AM EST Saturday February 23, 2008

SupremeLeader: Mr. Vice President Cheney?

BehindTheCurtain: Hello Prime Minister
BehindTheCurtain: Good to hear from you

SupremeLeader: How is life at your "undisclosed location?"
SupremeLeader: I hear Tahiti is nice at this time of year

BehindTheCurtain: How did you know where I am?

SupremeLeader: We both know more than we discuss

BehindTheCurtain: True,.. true...

SupremeLeader: So how is work?

BehindTheCurtain: Well, Bush is on vacation in Texas so I am on duty

SupremeLeader: What does that mean?

BehindTheCurtain: Well, essentially I am doing the work of one-and-a-half men

SupremeLeader: Ha, ha - American joke

BehindTheCurtain: So what's on your mind?

SupremeLeader: I got a call from Obama
SupremeLeader: He wants to just chat and get to know me

BehindTheCurtain: He is trying to show the US media he is up-to-speed internationally

SupremeLeader: I see
SupremeLeader: So, should I take the meeting with him?

BehindTheCurtain: I don't see why not
BehindTheCurtain: Now, please understand that Obama is an interesting character
BehindTheCurtain: Communicating with him often requires drama

SupremeLeader: How can I demonstrate this "drama"?

BehindTheCurtain: It's not difficult - but I am sure you will figure it out

SupremeLeader: Can you please tell me?

BehindTheCurtain: I'm pressed for time - and you are a smart man.

SupremeLeader: Even a smart man appreciates assistance...

BehindTheCurtain: Well, we could make a deal

SupremeLeader: What type of deal?

BehindTheCurtain: I tell you how to work with Obama and...
BehindTheCurtain: You give Halliburton the contract on a couple power plants

SupremeLeader: That is easy - consider it done!

BehindTheCurtain: Wonderful!
BehindTheCurtain: So, with Obama you must demonstrate power AND respect

SupremeLeader: I see

BehindTheCurtain: But demonstrating YOUR authority is most important

SupremeLeader: Of course

BehindTheCurtain: HOW you do that is important
BehindTheCurtain: You MUST do it in a way Obama understands

SupremeLeader: I follow you

BehindTheCurtain: There is a simple term used in his state

SupremeLeader: Chicago?

BehindTheCurtain: Close - actually it's Illinois

SupremeLeader: Sorry for the error
SupremeLeader: Our spy satellite photos don't have names of places or boundary lines on them
SupremeLeader: It's a real pisser.

BehindTheCurtain: I can understand that

SupremeLeader: Rand McNally does such a good job.
SupremeLeader: I interrupt KGB presentations to ask "What the hell are we looking at?"
SupremeLeader: Buildings, trees, streets, - the damn pictures could be anyplace!
SupremeLeader: We need names of streets, cities and locations of highway rest-stops

BehindTheCurtain: That's clearly a frustrating situation

SupremeLeader: You have no idea
SupremeLeader: I cleverly stole a Hertz map on a trip to Disneyworld with my family
SupremeLeader: I told the KGB intelligence chief - "JUST MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THIS."

BehindTheCurtain: You are quite wise and commanding
BehindTheCurtain: I fully appreciate your leadership style

SupremeLeader: Thank you very much!

BehindTheCurtain: Our CIA had the same problem
BehindTheCurtain: We have essentially shut down our spy satellite fleet

SupremeLeader: What?

BehindTheCurtain: Google maps is much better for this purpose
BehindTheCurtain: We have outsourced the entire surveillance program to them

SupremeLeader: Very interesting...
SupremeLeader: We will look into that immediately
SupremeLeader: Thanks for the tip

BehindTheCurtain: The secret website is: www.realtor.com
BehindTheCurtain: Ender the address and click "aerial view"

SupremeLeader: This will save me billions!

BehindTheCurtain: Glad to help a friend

SupremeLeader: So, back to Obama...

BehindTheCurtain: Right - There is a phase used in Illinois
BehindTheCurtain: Invoking it at the right moment should do the trick

SupremeLeader: What is this phrase?

BehindTheCurtain: "Duuuusshe Bahhhg!"

SupremeLeader: How is it used in a sentence?

BehindTheCurtain: All by itself - with appropriate tone of voice
BehindTheCurtain: HOW you act when you say it is important

SupremeLeader: What is the protocol?

BehindTheCurtain: When a key question comes up, just do the following

SupremeLeader: I am taking notes...

BehindTheCurtain: First, rub your eyes and exhale deeply
BehindTheCurtain: Then stand up
BehindTheCurtain: Point at Obama with a stern look on your face
BehindTheCurtain: Loudly say "Duuuusshe Bahhhg!" and slam you hand on the table
BehindTheCurtain: Then wait for his reaction

SupremeLeader: Just like that?

BehindTheCurtain: Yep

SupremeLeader: Thank you for the gracious help!
SupremeLeader: We will be faxing the contracts to Halliburton immediately

BehindTheCurtain: Anytime

SupremeLeader: Bye for now

BehindTheCurtain: Bye

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Feb 22: Obama and Cheney Confer

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2:18 PM EST Friday February 22, 2008

BigMo4DC: Mr. Vice President?

BehindTheCurtain: Hello Senator

BigMo4DC: I have a serious question

BehindTheCurtain: What about?

BigMo4DC: Foreign policy

BehindTheCurtain: Go for it

BigMo4DC: I want to meet with a foreign leader but it needs to be a significant country

BehindTheCurtain: What for?

BigMo4DC: Photo-Op

BehindTheCurtain: Try Italy or France

BigMo4DC: No, this needs to be a more significant country

BehindTheCurtain: How about Venezuela?
BehindTheCurtain: In fact, Bush Sr. and I could setup a multi-country tour.

BigMo4DC: Venezuela and what else?

BehindTheCurtain: We send you to Venezuela to demand Chavez stop screwing with Chevron and Exxon
BehindTheCurtain: Then you go to Columbia and tell them to control the cartels "or else"

BigMo4DC: I go personally to Venezuela and Columbia?

BehindTheCurtain: Well Chavez doesn't take you seriously unless you make the trip
BehindTheCurtain: and the Columbians tend to respond best in-person.

BigMo4DC: What about security?

BehindTheCurtain: You are practically a Presidential Candidate - what's the worst that could happen?

BigMo4DC: Uhh,... kidnapping... assassination

BehindTheCurtain: I wouldn't worry about assassination - you'd be much more valuable alive

BigMo4DC: But still, I don't want to be kidnapped

BehindTheCurtain: Com'on if, if, if that ever happened...
BehindTheCurtain: President McCain would eventually get you back
BehindTheCurtain: It would be a top priority after the inauguration
BehindTheCurtain: ...maybe second to tax-cuts, but certainly high on the list

BigMo4DC: Uh,... Let's ditch the Latin American idea
BigMo4DC: What about Russia?

BehindTheCurtain: Hmm,... Putin is a tough guy

BigMo4DC: We could meet somewhere in