March 13: Dean and Obama Negotiate

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8:35 PM EST Thursday March 13, 2008

It'sMyParty: Senator?

BigMo4DC: Hi Howard

It'sMyParty: We need to talk about the Michigan and Florida proposals

BigMo4DC: What's there to talk about?

It'sMyParty: We need your feedback on the plan

BigMo4DC: O.K. - any plan Hillary endorses, we are suspicious
BigMo4DC: Do I need to be more specific?

It'sMyParty: C'mon, Barack, I need you to work with me

BigMo4DC: I am supposed to work with you while you are being mitigated behind the scenes by Hillary?

It'sMyParty: Don't you think that's a bit paranoid?


BigMo4DC: WHO is speaking?

It'sMyParty: Knock if off

BigMo4DC: They are working around you not through you and they lie to you every day

It'sMyParty: I am not worried about underhanded stuff like that
It'sMyParty: I run the DNC, what would they do to me?

BigMo4DC: Remember that photo of me in cultural clothes?
BigMo4DC: They wanted America to think I was Muslim

It'sMyParty: What are you getting at?

BigMo4DC: They would do the same thing to you

It'sMyParty: No Way - Never

BigMo4DC: Oh yeah?
BigMo4DC: Well, they are circulating this picture:













It'sMyParty: HOLY EFFING CRAP!

BigMo4DC: Welcome to Reality - enjoy your stay

It'sMyParty: This is horrible!
It'sMyParty: I don't even know Michael Jackson!

BigMo4DC: Uhh,... that's Janet Jackson

It'sMyParty: Sorry - it's really hard to tell them apart these-days

BigMo4DC: Just remember Michael has the better figure
BigMo4DC: And he uses more makeup

It'sMyParty: Oh yeah - right, right right...

BigMo4DC: Anyway, it is clear to you that the Clintons will stop at nothing?

It'sMyParty: That is now QUITE clear

BigMo4DC: O.K. - first, go deal with your picture
BigMo4DC: second, come back with a plan that makes sense in Florida and Michigan

It'sMyParty: Sounds like a plan

BigMo4DC: Good luck

It'sMyParty: You hang in there

BigMo4DC: Story of my life...

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March 12: Al Makes an Inconvenient Request

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5:21 AM EST Wednesday February 27, 2008

$avingThePlanet: Senator?

BigMo4DC: Good Morning, Al
BigMo4DC: Very nice to hear from you

$avingThePlanet: Great win in Mississippi

BigMo4DC: It's a good feeling

$avingThePlanet: I can imagine

BigMo4DC: A lot of work to do in Pennsylvania
BigMo4DC: And we're waiting for that putz Howard Dean to sort out Michigan and Florida

$avingThePlanet: I really would appreciate it if you didn't use that word around me

BigMo4DC: Putz?

$avingThePlanet: No,... Florida

BigMo4DC: On my gosh, Al - I'm sorry
BigMo4DC: It still stings?

$avingThePlanet: Only when I am awake or breathing

BigMo4DC: Ouch
BigMo4DC: Anyway - what can I do for you?

$avingThePlanet: Well, Kerry and I are on your side

BigMo4DC: Thank you very much, Al
BigMo4DC: Just don't tell me you want a cabinet post or something like Edwards did

$avingThePlanet: He what?

BigMo4DC: He wants to parlay his delegates into a shot at being US Attorney General

$avingThePlanet: That's certainly assumptive and opportunistic...

BigMo4DC: No Kidding.

$avingThePlanet: What did you tell him?

BigMo4DC: I told him he was on the list and chill out for now

$avingThePlanet: Good call
$avingThePlanet: I would never ask for something like that

BigMo4DC: You are above it

$avingThePlanet: I might offer support in exchange for an ambassadorship - but never, ever the prestige of a cabinet post

BigMo4DC: Uh,... what are you getting at?

$avingThePlanet: To be named an ambassador is below radar and not a huge thing to ask

BigMo4DC: Ambassador to where?

$avingThePlanet: The moon

BigMo4DC: Ha - you finally tell a funny joke!

$avingThePlanet: Actually it wasn't a joke

BigMo4DC: You are serious?
BigMo4DC: You want to be ambassador to the moon?

$avingThePlanet: The moon carries mythic and scientific relevance for the people of earth
$avingThePlanet: It remains an under-represented force in our everyday lives
$avingThePlanet: We have visited, but we never returned
$avingThePlanet: How do you think the moon feels about that?

BigMo4DC: I need to lay down and put a cold cloth on my head
BigMo4DC: Then, I am going to call Ted Kennedy

$avingThePlanet: Why call Teddy?

BigMo4DC: It is time for me to start drinking heavily and I need to consult an expert

$avingThePlanet: That's a little extreme, Senator

BigMo4DC: Not from where I sit...

$avingThePlanet: At least think it over

BigMo4DC: Yeah - over a triple Scotch and water

$avingThePlanet: I am going to go now -
$avingThePlanet: You need some contemplation time

BigMo4DC: I think I need more than that

$avingThePlanet: Like what?

BigMo4DC: Like sanity to return to many, many people

$avingThePlanet: You go lay down

BigMo4DC: Bye

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Feb 27: Obama and McCain are Giddy

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5:21 AM EST Wednesday February 27, 2008

POWSenator: Hey Champ!

BigMo4DC: Good Morning, Senator
BigMo4DC: Let's not get carried away

POWSenator: A tie goes to the front-runner!

BigMo4DC: Again, there's a long way to go

POWSenator: Not for me!

BigMo4DC: I get that - but I still have work to do

POWSenator: Not for long you don't

BigMo4DC: DUDE!
BigMo4DC: This is like trying to study when a fraternity brother wants to party!

POWSenator: Beer run?

BigMo4DC: Texas and Ohio are in a week and I have to keep putting pressure on her

POWSenator: Not to take credit from you, but...
POWSenator: She's doing a bang-up job of losing - and it's ugly!
POWSenator: Who could have predicted such an implosion?

BigMo4DC: I like to think MY TEAM had something to do with it

POWSenator: That's the fighting spirit I know and love!

BigMo4DC: I have not stopped fighting - it's keeping me busy
BigMo4DC: Don't YOU have something to do?

POWSenator: Except for watching the NY Times crucify its own staff,... no.

BigMo4DC: You handled it well.

POWSenator: Yeah,... kinda boring just sitting around waiting for the convention
POWSenator: Hey - wanna go to a baseball game?

BigMo4DC: You're serious?

POWSenator: Cubs - D-Backs, baby!
POWSenator: They play at Wrigley May 9-10-11

BigMo4DC: That would be fun, actually

POWSenator: I'll check www.stubhub.com and try to get 37 seats together

BigMo4DC: 37?

POWSenator: Wives, Children, Secret Service... it adds up
POWSenator: Barack, we are about to experience a whole new level of complexity
POWSenator: This summer, we can't burp without making headlines

BigMo4DC: Not looking forward to that part

POWSenator: A baseball game with the families would show we are regular guys and friendly competitors

BigMo4DC: If I catch a foul ball, I could give it to a disabled person

POWSenator: See - you DO like the idea!

BigMo4DC: Sports pages everywhere would have a photo of me giving you the ball

POWSenator: Huh?
POWSenator: Oh, I GET IT... very funny...
POWSenator: Don't be "a clinton"

BigMo4DC: now THAT's very funny
BigMo4DC: Really, I gotta go

POWSenator: So, you'll think about it?

BigMo4DC: Sure

POWSenator: Keep up the good work
POWSenator: But only until your convention
POWSenator: ;)

BigMo4DC: Take Care, Senator

POWSenator: You too

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Feb 26: Kerry Encourages Obama

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8:52 AM EST Tuesday February 26, 2008

IStillMatter: Barack?

BigMo4DC: Hello, Senator

IStillMatter: Good luck tonight in Cleveland

BigMo4DC: Thank You

IStillMatter: I mean that

BigMo4DC: I believe you

IStillMatter: This is entertaining

BigMo4DC: Sorry?

IStillMatter: They screwed me, so to speak

BigMo4DC: I understand

IStillMatter: They wanted me to lose!
IStillMatter: Now their plan has back-fired

BigMo4DC: The scenario is widely circulated and understood

IStillMatter: I will enjoy watching that carpet bagger and her zipper-challenged husband go down in flames!
IStillMatter: I will be rooting for you tonight

BigMo4DC: Again, thank you Senator

IStillMatter: Destroy her!

BigMo4DC: You sure seem intense

IStillMatter: Intense?
IStillMatter: You should see Gore!

BigMo4DC: Well, Gore is doing good work in the investment community
BigMo4DC: and...time heals all wounds

IStillMatter: Time heals?
IStillMatter: Maybe in 2075 when the Earth is 200 degrees...
IStillMatter: Until then, I would say he's still pissed

BigMo4DC: I need to prepare and it looks like you could use a drink

IStillMatter: Maybe I do need one

BigMo4DC: Thank you for the encouragement

IStillMatter: One last thing...

BigMo4DC: O.K.

IStillMatter: A little secret weapon for you

BigMo4DC: What is it?

IStillMatter: I found out something about Hillary
IStillMatter: Interested?

BigMo4DC: Well, we KNOW her surrogates circulated the pictures of me in Arab garb this morning...

IStillMatter: No, this is better

BigMo4DC: What is it

IStillMatter: Hillary is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: WTF?!?

IStillMatter: I was similarly surprised!

BigMo4DC: No, no, no - that's not it
BigMo4DC: I think you mean something MUCH MUCH different

IStillMatter: But I got this from a reliable source

BigMo4DC: Where?

IStillMatter: An associate had breakfast with Karl Rove
IStillMatter: Rove accidentally left a paper marked "intelligence" report on the table when he left

BigMo4DC: Accidentally?...
BigMo4DC: When does Rove "accidentally" do anything?

IStillMatter: You think I am being used?

BigMo4DC: What do YOU think?

IStillMatter: I think America should know if the next President is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: I think you should have a nice stiff drink

IStillMatter: Good luck

BigMo4DC: Thanks

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Feb 22: Obama and Cheney Confer

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2:18 PM EST Friday February 22, 2008

BigMo4DC: Mr. Vice President?

BehindTheCurtain: Hello Senator

BigMo4DC: I have a serious question

BehindTheCurtain: What about?

BigMo4DC: Foreign policy

BehindTheCurtain: Go for it

BigMo4DC: I want to meet with a foreign leader but it needs to be a significant country

BehindTheCurtain: What for?

BigMo4DC: Photo-Op

BehindTheCurtain: Try Italy or France

BigMo4DC: No, this needs to be a more significant country

BehindTheCurtain: How about Venezuela?
BehindTheCurtain: In fact, Bush Sr. and I could setup a multi-country tour.

BigMo4DC: Venezuela and what else?

BehindTheCurtain: We send you to Venezuela to demand Chavez stop screwing with Chevron and Exxon
BehindTheCurtain: Then you go to Columbia and tell them to control the cartels "or else"

BigMo4DC: I go personally to Venezuela and Columbia?

BehindTheCurtain: Well Chavez doesn't take you seriously unless you make the trip
BehindTheCurtain: and the Columbians tend to respond best in-person.

BigMo4DC: What about security?

BehindTheCurtain: You are practically a Presidential Candidate - what's the worst that could happen?

BigMo4DC: Uhh,... kidnapping... assassination

BehindTheCurtain: I wouldn't worry about assassination - you'd be much more valuable alive

BigMo4DC: But still, I don't want to be kidnapped

BehindTheCurtain: Com'on if, if, if that ever happened...
BehindTheCurtain: President McCain would eventually get you back
BehindTheCurtain: It would be a top priority after the inauguration
BehindTheCurtain: ...maybe second to tax-cuts, but certainly high on the list

BigMo4DC: Uh,... Let's ditch the Latin American idea
BigMo4DC: What about Russia?

BehindTheCurtain: Hmm,... Putin is a tough guy

BigMo4DC: We could meet somewhere in Europe
BigMo4DC: Just a photo op

BehindTheCurtain: Maybe you get luck and a foreign leader dies

BigMo4DC: But you never know when that will happen

BehindTheCurtain: I can call the CIA and check the assassination calendar
BehindTheCurtain: Maybe something is coming up

BigMo4DC: WHAT?!?!

BehindTheCurtain: Just leave it to me
BehindTheCurtain: I'll see what I can do

BigMo4DC: Uh,... thanks, I think

BehindTheCurtain: Anytime, Senator

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Feb 20: Bill "Congratulates" Obama

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8:19 PM EST Wednesday February 20, 2008

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Senator?

BigMo4DC: Well, well, well, the pitbull speaks

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Yeah, uhh, well - nothing personal
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Just politics

BigMo4DC: That's your typical excuse
BigMo4DC: It's someone else's fault
BigMo4DC: Bill and Hill are just victims...

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Hey man, I didn't come here to argue
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Congratulations on the win in Wisconsin

BigMo4DC: Thanks
BigMo4DC: What's the catch?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: No catch

BigMo4DC: BULL

Don'tShootTheMessenger: You don't trust me at all, do you

BigMo4DC: That's a surprise?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Let's set aside this election stuff
Don'tShootTheMessenger: I need a favor

BigMo4DC: FOR YOU?!?!?!?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Easy does it, the Republicans are the enemy.
Don'tShootTheMessenger: We are brothers!

BigMo4DC: D O N O T G O T H E R E

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Hey, hey - not tryin' to get a rise out of you.

BigMo4DC: Getting rises is typically YOUR problem

Don'tShootTheMessenger: touche'

BigMo4DC: There's MUST be a reason you reached out today

Don'tShootTheMessenger: I'm trying to get to it

BigMo4DC: Then get to it
BigMo4DC: You have 1 minute
BigMo4DC: I am late for Good Morning America

Don'tShootTheMessenger: In the unlikely event you win the nomination and the general election, I may really need a favor

BigMo4DC: Such as?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: A pardon

BigMo4DC: For what?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Any and all actions while at a former job

BigMo4DC: When was this?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: January 1993 to January 2001

BigMo4DC: HA!

Don'tShootTheMessenger: No, really
Don'tShootTheMessenger: It was a tough job and I had to make "choices" every day

BigMo4DC: This is borderline insanity
BigMo4DC: I must refer you to David Geffen
BigMo4DC: There may be a new cabinet post - Secretary of Pardons
BigMo4DC: He's my man for the job

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Uh,... Not sure that works for me

BigMo4DC: Gee,... why?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: C'mon, you know

BigMo4DC: I'm soooo not concerned...

Don'tShootTheMessenger: You are becoming arrogant...
Don'tShootTheMessenger: uncooperative, self-centered, self-important...
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Self-loyal rather than loyal to the party
Don'tShootTheMessenger: and totally unconcerned about those who helped you get to where you are today.

BigMo4DC: WHOA!
BigMo4DC: That's not at all familiar to you?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Should it be?

BigMo4DC: Look in the mirror, Bubba

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Ouch

BigMo4DC: Yo - pardon THIS!

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Not nice...

BigMo4DC: Later -

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Feb 17: Hillary Blows a Gasket

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8:19 PM EST Sunday February 17, 2008

BigMo4DC: Hey

SuperDelegatesAreMine: Don't 'hey' me...
SuperDelegatesAreMine: It's Senator!

BigMo4DC: HA! You don't deserve that title

SuperDelegatesAreMine: That's insulting and disrespectful

BigMo4DC: How can YOU possibly talk about respect?
BigMo4DC: Especially as you try to steal the nomination!

SuperDelegatesAreMine: Steal?
SuperDelegatesAreMine: Look rookie, rules are rules

BigMo4DC: Rules? YOU are breaking rules left and right
BigMo4DC: You are discounting the voice of the people

SuperDelegatesAreMine: VOTERS? THE PEOPLE?
SuperDelegatesAreMine: THE PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA
SuperDelegatesAreMine: THE PEOPLE ARE MINDLESS AND BRAINLESS
SuperDelegatesAreMine: THEY ARE A FLOCK THAT MUST BE BE LED

BigMo4DC: Calm down
BigMo4DC: You are gong to have a stroke
BigMo4DC: On second thought, in honor of the Daytona 500...
BigMo4DC: Go ahead and blow a gasket

SuperDelegatesAreMine: Who are the "Daytona 500?"
SuperDelegatesAreMine: Are they a repressed minority or something?

BigMo4DC: That comment is simply incredible
BigMo4DC: I am speechless

SuperDelegatesAreMine: THERE'S A CHANGE!

BigMo4DC: Don't be pathetic

SuperDelegatesAreMine: You have some nerve

BigMo4DC: Yeah, right
BigMo4DC: I'll tell you what else I have...
BigMo4DC: I have the delegate lead
BigMo4DC: I did it running against TWO candidates