March 9: Bill Is Still Bill

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1:45 PM EST Sunday March 9, 2008

It'sNotOver: Hey Bill?

LoveBubba: Good-job in Wyoming

It'sNotOver: Shut up

LoveBubba: 59,000 Democrat voters in the state and you could have practically called 51% of them yourself.

It'sNotOver: I just love how supportive you are

LoveBubba: And I love how I have been sent to Humidity-Township, Mississippi to speak to nobody

It'sNotOver: Closed topic
It'sNotOver: All of this won't matter after the Super Delegates go our way

LoveBubba: I'm not hearing good things on that front, babe

It'sNotOver: We will win the overall popular vote,
It'sNotOver: We crushed Obama in Ohio and we won TX and CA
It'sNotOver: We WILL FORCE the party to select me

LoveBubba: Maybe so, but Obama will be a problem
LoveBubba: I'm thinking he won't take the VP slot

It'sNotOver: Why the hell not?

LoveBubba: He talks to Gore...
LoveBubba: That can't be good

It'sNotOver: I knew that unappreciative, green blimp would betray us!

LoveBubba: Easy does it, Hilla
LoveBubba: I sorta figured it would happen

It'sNotOver: Why can't everyone just do what we tell them?

LoveBubba: They think for themselves these-days
LoveBubba: And what did you do to upset Oprah?

It'sNotOver: ?

LoveBubba: She is p-i-s-s-e-d

It'sNotOver: Not worried

LoveBubba: Millions of viewers and tons of influence, honey

It'sNotOver: Why can't you look at the bright side?

LoveBubba: I am trying to find one

It'sNotOver: Stop it!

LoveBubba: There is a good thing about campaigning down South

It'sNotOver: What is it?

LoveBubba: Lots of Hooters

It'sNotOver: What?

LoveBubba: It's a restaurant and they are everywhere
LoveBubba: On every corner - like gas stations in big cities

It'sNotOver: Is this where the girls wear orange hot pants
It'sNotOver: AND t-shirts that are 2-sizes too small?

LoveBubba: THAT'S THEM
LoveBubba: Nice family atmosphere

It'sNotOver: Family?

LoveBubba: Well, Dad's and boys - that's a big part of most families, right?

It'sNotOver: UGH!
It'sNotOver: PLEASE do not get photographed in a Hooters!

LoveBubba: I tell you, Southerners must be powered by hot wings and Bud Light

It'sNotOver: I DO NOT like any of this

LoveBubba: The Hooters girls love me
LoveBubba: And they weren't even old enough to vote in 1992

It'sNotOver: Ahem, are they old enough to drive today?

LoveBubba: Good point - I'll have an assistant start pre-secreening

It'sNotOver: Three words: Age-Of-Consent

LoveBubba: Whatever...
LoveBubba: I am like a rock star!

It'sNotOver: I want you back at campaign HQ tomorrow morning

LoveBubba: I'm thinking no

It'sNotOver: If you start a controversy, I will kill you

LoveBubba: Ooooh, there's a headline
LoveBubba: Anyway - I gotta go...
LoveBubba: I have a speech to do before the Atlanta NASCAR race starts

It'sNotOver: Seriously, you need to come back to HQ

LoveBubba: YOU sent me out here and I am finally getting used to it
LoveBubba: So, YOU get back to preparing for Pennsylvania
LoveBubba: I'll be sure the people of Mississippi still love me
LoveBubba: I mean,... vote for you

It'sNotOver: I'm sending a plane to get you

LoveBubba: It's flying back empty, honey
LoveBubba: You need to think green and not waste fuel like that

It'sNotOver: You are dead

LoveBubba: Maybe, but not today
LoveBubba: I gotta go, the National Anthem is in 5 minutes and then the race starts
LoveBubba: I'm starting to really like NASCAR

It'sNotOver: This is my moment and you are threatening to screw it up!

LoveBubba: Later, babe

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Feb 25: Hill Checks-On Bill

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5:14 AM EST Monday February 25, 2008

It'sNotOver: Bill?

LoveBubba: Oh, Hi - NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU

It'sNotOver: Still upset about being sent to the field?

LoveBubba: YES I am...

It'sNotOver: You were pissing off the National Media and Voters
It'sNotOver: It was impacting the campaign

LoveBubba: Well, you're doing a helluva job without me

It'sNotOver: Stuff the sarcasm
It'sNotOver: We have talked about this!

LoveBubba: I feel like Willard effing Scott
LoveBubba: Barnstorming %&#*%! county fairs
LoveBubba: I gave a speech from the back of a pickup truck!

It'sNotOver: Really?

LoveBubba: Yes, really - here's the picture























It'sNotOver: Hmm, I see your point

LoveBubba: Gee, thanks...

It'sNotOver: Where were you?

LoveBubba: Armpit, Texas

It'sNotOver: Be nice

LoveBubba: Seriously, Hilla - I'm bouncing around tier-2 markets and speaking to half-full gymnasiums at doggone high schools

It'sNotOver: That's what we sent you to do

LoveBubba: I'll miss your Cleveland debate because the motel - yes a MOTEL - doesn't have cable!

It'sNotOver: Oh well,...

LoveBubba: Let me come back home

It'sNotOver: Nope. Too risky

LoveBubba: I can't believe I am doing this
LoveBubba: I haven't seen a mainstream reporter in 2 weeks

It'sNotOver: Exactly
It'sNotOver: Bye -

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Feb 20: Bill "Congratulates" Obama

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8:19 PM EST Wednesday February 20, 2008

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Senator?

BigMo4DC: Well, well, well, the pitbull speaks

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Yeah, uhh, well - nothing personal
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Just politics

BigMo4DC: That's your typical excuse
BigMo4DC: It's someone else's fault
BigMo4DC: Bill and Hill are just victims...

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Hey man, I didn't come here to argue
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Congratulations on the win in Wisconsin

BigMo4DC: Thanks
BigMo4DC: What's the catch?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: No catch

BigMo4DC: BULL

Don'tShootTheMessenger: You don't trust me at all, do you

BigMo4DC: That's a surprise?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Let's set aside this election stuff
Don'tShootTheMessenger: I need a favor

BigMo4DC: FOR YOU?!?!?!?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Easy does it, the Republicans are the enemy.
Don'tShootTheMessenger: We are brothers!

BigMo4DC: D O N O T G O T H E R E

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Hey, hey - not tryin' to get a rise out of you.

BigMo4DC: Getting rises is typically YOUR problem

Don'tShootTheMessenger: touche'

BigMo4DC: There's MUST be a reason you reached out today

Don'tShootTheMessenger: I'm trying to get to it

BigMo4DC: Then get to it
BigMo4DC: You have 1 minute
BigMo4DC: I am late for Good Morning America

Don'tShootTheMessenger: In the unlikely event you win the nomination and the general election, I may really need a favor

BigMo4DC: Such as?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: A pardon

BigMo4DC: For what?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Any and all actions while at a former job

BigMo4DC: When was this?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: January 1993 to January 2001

BigMo4DC: HA!

Don'tShootTheMessenger: No, really
Don'tShootTheMessenger: It was a tough job and I had to make "choices" every day

BigMo4DC: This is borderline insanity
BigMo4DC: I must refer you to David Geffen
BigMo4DC: There may be a new cabinet post - Secretary of Pardons
BigMo4DC: He's my man for the job

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Uh,... Not sure that works for me

BigMo4DC: Gee,... why?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: C'mon, you know

BigMo4DC: I'm soooo not concerned...

Don'tShootTheMessenger: You are becoming arrogant...
Don'tShootTheMessenger: uncooperative, self-centered, self-important...
Don'tShootTheMessenger: Self-loyal rather than loyal to the party
Don'tShootTheMessenger: and totally unconcerned about those who helped you get to where you are today.

BigMo4DC: WHOA!
BigMo4DC: That's not at all familiar to you?

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Should it be?

BigMo4DC: Look in the mirror, Bubba

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Ouch

BigMo4DC: Yo - pardon THIS!

Don'tShootTheMessenger: Not nice...

BigMo4DC: Later -

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Feb 14: Its Different at Their House

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11:46 AM EST Thursday February 14, 2008

YouAllAreFired: Bill?

YouAllAreFired: Yoo hoo...

LoveBubba: Oh, Hi Hilla
LoveBubba: How's Texas?

YouAllAreFired: I'm in Ohio, dear

LoveBubba: Well, Happy Valentines Day

YouAllAreFired: Happy Valentines Day to you too

LoveBubba: How's the day going?

YouAllAreFired: Just fine.
YouAllAreFired: Did you do the errand?
YouAllAreFired: I left a note on the counter

LoveBubba: Yeah, I gave it to our guy

YouAllAreFired: Perfect

LoveBubba: The photos came out great
LoveBubba: He Photoshopped Chris Matthews and Katie Couric in a hot tub
LoveBubba: We sent it with a dozen roses to Chris' wife

YouAllAreFired: I love it when a plan comes together!

LoveBubba: You are a genius

YouAllAreFired: Don't flatter me, dear
YouAllAreFired: Speaking of flowers...

LoveBubba: Did I forget again?

YouAllAreFired: No but AMEX fraud control called me

LoveBubba: They did?

YouAllAreFired: Yes, Dear - they certainly DID
YouAllAreFired: They asked if I ordered 14 dozen roses from ftd.com

LoveBubba: ?

YouAllAreFired: They said the flowers were sent to 14 different women in 10 states

LoveBubba: Oh no, you are a victim of IDENTITY THEFT!
LoveBubba: I'll call the FBI immediately!

YouAllAreFired: I don't think so, sweetie
YouAllAreFired: I had my aide cross-checked the addresses
YouAllAreFired: All of the recipients work for the campaign
YouAllAreFired: Young, attractive and straight...

LoveBubba: Maybe someone just did something nice for the team?

YouAllAreFired: Maybe SOMEONE did...

LoveBubba: I am sensing tone

YouAllAreFired: YOU SURE ARE!

LoveBubba: I can explain!

YouAllAreFired: I should have castrated you 10 years ago

LoveBubba: Don't be rash

YouAllAreFired: You are the last person who should talk about "rash"

LoveBubba: Low blow

YouAllAreFired: If you touch another campaign aide..
YouAllAreFired: I'll split your lip
YouAllAreFired: I will cry on Good Morning America!

LoveBubba: Wait - that may win votes

YouAllAreFired: You think?

LoveBubba: It can't hurt

YouAllAreFired: How should we do this?

LoveBubba: I'll call the media guy and get the ball rolling

YouAllAreFired: You're the best!

LoveBubba: Let's turn lemons into lemonade

YouAllAreFired: Genius!

LoveBubba: Honey?

YouAllAreFired: Yes, dear?

LoveBubba: Happy Valentines Day

YouAllAreFired: You too!
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Feb 13: Bill Comes Calling

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8:12 AM EST Thursday February 13, 2008

ExPrezInDoghouse: Hi John

Delegates4U: Well, well, well...
Delegates4U: I thought it was too quiet

ExPrezInDoghouse: Spouse's orders...

Delegates4U: Are you back on top of aides?
Delegates4U: I mean "things"

ExPrezInDoghouse: Ha, ha, ha
ExPrezInDoghouse: You are such a kidder!
ExPrezInDoghouse: That's why I like you, man!

Delegates4U: I smell trouble

ExPrezInDoghouse: Who, me?

Delegates4U: Uh, huh...
Delegates4U: so,... What's up?

ExPrezInDoghouse: Just want to personally reach out
ExPrezInDoghouse: Staying close is important
ExPrezInDoghouse: I feel like we don't connect enough

Delegates4U: Why don't you get to the point, Bubba

ExPrezInDoghouse: Easy John, I come in friendship

Delegates4U: Friends SUPPORT friends
Delegates4U: JK and I felt a wee bit unsupported

ExPrezInDoghouse: I can't change history
ExPrezInDoghouse: But I do want to make ammends

Delegates4U: How so?

ExPrezInDoghouse: How about AG?
ExPrezInDoghouse: Ya'll would be the best AG this country has ever had
ExPrezInDoghouse: Bustin' heads and takin' names on Wall Street

Delegates4U: That would be a nice amend

ExPrezInDoghouse: All we need is a little sugar

Delegates4U: Normally amends don't come with 'a catch'

ExPrezInDoghouse: More of a favor than a catch

Delegates4U: Let me guess...
Delegates4U: Endorsement and delegates?

ExPrezInDoghouse: You're quick
ExPrezInDoghouse: Do you like the AG idea?

Delegates4U: Might be difficult in Hillary's administration

ExPrezInDoghouse: I don't follow...

Delegates4U: Might be stopped from carrying out my duties

ExPrezInDoghouse: Such as?

Delegates4U: Such as indicting YOU

ExPrezInDoghouse: Hmm, there's a point there

ExPrezInDoghouse: let me talk to K.D. Clinton and get back to you

ExPrezInDoghouse:"K.D."?

ExPrezInDoghouse: My little nickname for Hillary...
ExPrezInDoghouse: She really likes K.D. Lang

Delegates4U: She's a great musician

ExPrezInDoghouse: Actually she doesn't care for the music

Delegates4U: okey, dokey...
Delegates4U: Let me think about it

ExPrezInDoghouse: Can I call you later?

Delegates4U: No, we're busy
Delegates4U: Barack and Michelle are coming to dinner here at the house

ExPrezInDoghouse: Really?

Delegates4U: He's bringing Emeril and Wolfgang to cook for us

ExPrezInDoghouse: I'm really starting to hate that guy

Delegates4U: Trust me, the feeling is mutual

ExPrezInDoghouse: You'll think about AG?

Delegates4U: Maybe

ExPrezInDoghouse: So there's a chance?

Delegates4U: Goodbye, Bill

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Feb 2: Sarkozy Seeks Clarification

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10:37 PM EST Saturday February 2, 2008

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Alo, Meester President?

Grover Clinton: Hello, Hello President Sarkozy

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Please, you just say Nick

Grover Clinton: What's up, Nick?
Grover Clinton: And congrats on the marriage
Grover Clinton: Did you get the gift?

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Oui, oui!, how you say "I appreciate full of thought"

Grover Clinton: You mean "thoughtful"

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: O.k. I say thoughtful
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: The gift brings me to write with question

Grover Clinton: O.k. shoot

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Pardon?

Grover Clinton: Ask the question

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: What is purpose of Virginia pills?
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: That is the location of your CIA, yes?

Grover Clinton: Uh, Viagra, not Virginia.

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Ahhhhhhh, o.k,... hmm....
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Was this because of British Tabloid?
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Rubbish I tell you!
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: I am a capable man!

Grover Clinton: No, no, no - I just noticed you were marrying a model who is 10 years younger
Grover Clinton: You dog!

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: My dog?

Grover Clinton: It's a compliment

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: O.k, o.k. ha, ha,

Grover Clinton: She's smokin' hot

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: No smoking. We now accept American Cancer research

Grover Clinton: No - it's another compliment

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Forgive me not understand American jokes

Grover Clinton: You seem to understand Bush

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Ha, ha.. I get much media problem on Bush
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Can you comprehend magnitude of media hunger?

Grover Clinton: Unfortunately, THAT is a problem I can relate to
Grover Clinton: Anyway, so why did you get married?
Grover Clinton: There's no social pressure, is there?

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Not particular. There was problem with public divorce
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Media lose interest in country and ex wife on every page and all channels
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: The media and paparazzi made difficult to proceed divorce

Grover Clinton: Actually, THAT's a problem I wouldn't mind having

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Elaborate?

Grover Clinton: Nevermind
Grover Clinton: Aren't mistresses acceptable in your culture?

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Well, yes to have a mistress is "very French"

Grover Clinton: I know

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: But to get caught is, how you say, "very American"

Grover Clinton: I know

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Avoiding controversy while in office is important

Grover Clinton: I know
Grover Clinton: Let's change the subject

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Sorry, no offenses intended

Grover Clinton: No worries. Happens all the time

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Perhaps we can have a private dinner on my next official visit to the USA?

Grover Clinton: That would be great

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: I would bring my wife Carla. She can shop while I attend official meetings.

Grover Clinton: Actually, I have a place in Georgetown outside D.C.
Grover Clinton: Perhaps you could drop Carla off at my place on the way to your meetings

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: This is not imposition?
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: The meetings and press conferences can be 6 hours

Grover Clinton: Even better

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: This is most generous
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: As an ex-model, Carla attracts attention

Grover Clinton: I bet

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: To avoid all that problem and stay the day with you would be nice

Grover Clinton: For me too

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Should my official liaison contact the liaison for you and Senator Hillary?

Grover Clinton: Uhh, actually, no. Just IM or call me directly
Grover Clinton: Hillary is really busy with the campaign and I'd hate to bother her

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Of course, how stupid of me. I can see Senator Hillary very busy

Grover Clinton: No, no, it's fine. Just give me two hours notice

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Again, this is a most generous and accommodating offer

Grover Clinton: The pleasure is all mine

I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: Thank you. Well, I have to go
I'mTooSexyForMyExWife: The pills are working. Duty calls!

Grover Clinton: ;)
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Jan 31: Hannity Needs a Fact Check

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9:17 AM EST Thursday January 31, 2008

I'mRightI'mHannity: Mr. President?

GroverClinton: Here

I'mRightI'mHannity: I'm getting heat from Colmes on your tip about Senator Kennedy

GroverClinton: Why do you care?

I'mRightI'mHannity: To be honest, the tip from you was a bit of a surprise...
I'mRightI'mHannity: Until we heard Kennedy endorsement of Senator Obama

GroverClinton: What are you getting at?

I'mRightI'mHannity: We ran the chart showing Kennedy's Chivas consumption as compared to Senator Obama's polling bounce .
I'mRightI'mHannity: It had the desired effect. Colmes went into orbit.

GroverClinton: A picture is worth a million votes

GroverClinton: WORDS, I meant words

I'mRightI'mHannity: Uh,... right.

GroverClinton: My source is reliable

I'mRightI'mHannity: Mr. President, with all due respect....
I'mRightI'mHannity: I was under the impression YOU were the source

GroverClinton: C'mon now, I can't do that

I'mRightI'mHannity: This makes it a more sticky situation

GroverClinton: Been there...

I'mRightI'mHannity: Excuse me?

GroverClinton: Nevermind

I'mRightI'mHannity: We may have to backoff on the tone a bit

GroverClinton: I hate the "fair and balanced" crap

I'mRightI'mHannity: Clearly

GroverClinton: Gotta go....

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Jan 30: Bill Goes Fishing

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5:00 AM EST Wednesday January 30, 2008

GroverClinton: Edwards?

Delegates4U: You again?

GroverClinton: We're hearing rumors, Johnny.

Delegates4U: I didn't tell anyone about the campaign volunteer on the bus in Iowa

GroverClinton: That's unsubstantiated gossip

Delegates4U: Two words: Camera Phone

GroverClinton: Knock it off, counselor... no one cares
GroverClinton: So, are the rumors true?

Delegates4U: Nothing to say

GroverClinton: You gonna bail and go home?

Delegates4U: I'll still be around... stirring the pot

GroverClinton: What does that mean?

Delegates4U: No free ride, Bubba
Delegates4U: I have a long memory from '04

GroverClinton: Whatever...
GroverClinton: I was serious about VEEP the other day

Delegates4U: Don't you need someone who can carry their home state?

GroverClinton: Gore didn't...

Delegates4U: Sorry, forgot

GroverClinton: So.....

Delegates4U: So....

GroverClinton: I need an answer

Delegates4U: I need you to chill out

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Jan 28: Bill Floats an Offer

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7:14 PM EST Monday January 28, 2008

GroverClinton: Hey Johnny E.

TanInTheMiddle: What’s up?

GroverClinton: I think we got a better horse for ya.

TanInTheMiddle: Sorry?

GroverClinton: Don’t play dumb

TanInTheMiddle: Really, I’m not following this

GroverClinton: Veep. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

TanInTheMiddle: Oh. Well, I kinda did that once.

TanInTheMiddle: Remember "Kerry and The Kid?" I was the kid.

GroverClinton: THAT was not a campaign

TanInTheMiddle: And THAT was not support coming from you, Bubba. THAT crap did not help.

GroverClinton: Well, Hilla wouldn’t have any of it

GroverClinton: 8 Years of Kerry kinda pinched our calendar, if you know what I mean...

TanInTheMiddle: So what’s better this time

GroverClinton: In my administration, the Veep has a role,

TanInTheMiddle: YOUR administration?

GroverClinton: Oops.

GroverClinton: In Hillary’s administration

TanInTheMiddle: I’m not up for four years of foreign dignitary funerals