March 7: Bush is Confused

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5:15 AM EST Friday March 7, 2008

I'mTheMan: George?

Bush43: Please, call me George

I'mTheMan: Uh,... Hi George

Bush43: Hello Senator

I'mTheMan: Thanks for the endorsement and media exposure
I'mTheMan: And especially for the wonderful White House visit

Bush43: No sweat!
Bush43: It's nothing compared to what we'll do when you clinch the nomination in Denver

I'mTheMan: Uh,... I already clinched and...
I'mTheMan: the Democrats will be in Denver

Bush43: At the same time?!?!?!
Bush43: Holy crap!
Bush43: Someone is in deep dung for not checkin'!

I'mTheMan: Sir, if I may...

Bush43: Better be quick - I gotta make some phone calls and sort this crap out

I'mTheMan: First, I have already clinched the delegate count

Bush43: That's great John!
Bush43: Why didn't you say something when you were at the White House this week?

I'mTheMan: I thought the visit was to.... uhh, nevermind
I'mTheMan: Second, The Republicans will be in Minneapolis-St.Paul

Bush43: Oh,.. so somebody already figured out the Denver mess?

I'mTheMan: At this point, I am just going to say, "Yes"

Bush43: Good thing!

I'mTheMan: You will be giving a keynote address at the convention

Bush43: I am?

I'mTheMan: Yes - it's an hour-long speech

Bush43: What can I possible talk about for a whole hour?

I'mTheMan: Many people are already asking that question

Bush43: Somebody will write something nice and put it in the scrollie thingee

I'mTheMan: The what?

Bush43: The scrolliee thingee that's in front of me when I talk to crowds or people

I'mTheMan: I believe it's called a teleprompter

Bush43: Whatever, some words will be rollin' and I'll read-em
Bush43: Anyway, exactly which city is the convention in?

I'mTheMan: Excuse me?

Bush43: You said Minneapolis - St. Paul
Bush43: I need to know which one
Bush43: My job is to tell the pilot of Air Force-1

I'mTheMan: You do what?

Bush43: When I get on AF-1, I give the destination to the pilot
Bush43: I write the secret three letter airport code on a sticky note and give it to him
Bush43: Cheney set this procedure up for me

I'mTheMan: Ahhh,.. I think I understand now

I'mTheMan: Anyway, Minneapolis - St. Paul share the same airport

Bush43: Oh Crap! This is a trap!

I'mTheMan: What?

Bush43: It's a trick John, we gotta move the convention!

I'mTheMan: Why?

Bush43: First, according to the CIA, Minnesota is a Democrat state
Bush43: Second, if Minneapolis - St. Paul share an airport...
Bush43: We are gonna get hit-up for a gazillion dollar loan to build another airport so each one has it's own airport.
Bush43: We need to outwit the Democrats by not showin' up

I'mTheMan: Mr. President, as unbelievable it is for me to say this...
I'mTheMan: In my opinion, you are WAY OVER-THINKING the situation

Bush43: Really?
Bush43: I trust your judgement, John

I'mTheMan: I need to go, sir

Bush43: Okee dokee...
Bush43: Keep me posted on the campaign
Bush43: I got a feelin' in my gut that you are going to pull it off

I'mTheMan: Uh,... thank you, Mr. President

Bush43: Later - time to play horseshoes

I'mTheMan: Bye

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March 3: Bush Congratulates Putin

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11:24 AM EST Monday March 3, 2008

Bush43: Hiya Vlad!

SupremeLeader: Hello Bush

Bush43: Congratulations on the election
Bush43: You're guy won

SupremeLeader: Yes, I knew he -
SupremeLeader: oops
SupremeLeader: I am GLAD he won

Bush43: What's his name - Medivac, Medicare?

SupremeLeader: Medvedev!
SupremeLeader: Dmitry Medvedev

Bush43: Whatever...
Bush43: Looks like he needs to buy a vowel

SupremeLeader: What?

Bush43: Missin' an 'i' in his first name - Dimitry

SupremeLeader: No he's not...
SupremeLeader: thank you for understanding our language

Bush43: Hey, no problem

SupremeLeader: Uhh,... not a compliment
SupremeLeader: I am a bit offended, actually

Bush43: Really?
Bush43: Here I go to the trouble to reach out?

SupremeLeader: Doesn't matter
SupremeLeader: Like many Americans, you are impolite
SupremeLeader: Maybe you should go back to getting David Bowie's wife drunk

Bush43: Excuse me?

SupremeLeader: Our intelligence reports say you are trying to get Iran bombed

Bush43: You dork!

SupremeLeader: Do not insult me!

Bush43: David Bowie's wife is not Iran!
Bush43: I believe it is Yemen

SupremeLeader: Seriously?

Bush43: Go Gooble it and see for yourself

SupremeLeader: You mean Gookul it?

Bush43: Maybe that's it

SupremeLeader: Sorry
SupremeLeader: All this time I thought you were trying to pickup a musician's wife

Bush43: Maybe my predidsessor would have done that

SupremeLeader: Oh, Clinton

Bush43: That's him

SupremeLeader: We saw he met Carly Simon on Kennedy's island

Bush43: That foots with the CIA report

SupremeLeader: Foots?

Bush43: We herd the same thing
Bush43: Anyway - I was honestly reachin' out to say congratulations

SupremeLeader: Thank you very much

Bush43: If there's anything I can do for you, let me know

SupremeLeader: Maybe one thing
SupremeLeader: Kind of personal

Bush43: What is it?

SupremeLeader: Russian condoms are of poor quality

Bush43: Like your cars?

SupremeLeader: Don't push it, George

Bush43: Sorry

SupremeLeader: Could you arrange to have American condoms shipped to Moscow?

Bush43: Well, the State Department can do just about anything

SupremeLeader: Great
SupremeLeader: I would order them online but I don't want to risk getting spam to my e-mail address

Bush43: I understand
Bush43: How many?

SupremeLeader: I need 7 dozen to last a month

Bush43: You are an active boy

SupremeLeader: It relieves stress and the election has been hell on my nerves

Bush43: Tell me about it

SupremeLeader: Well, it all started when my term was up...

Bush43: NO, NO, NO - that's just a figure of speech
Bush43: Don't tell me about the election

SupremeLeader: Back to the condoms

Bush43: So, 7 dozen to the Kremil in Moscow?

SupremeLeader: That's Kremlin - but don't ship them there
SupremeLeader: Please send them to my house outside Moscow

Bush43: What's the address?

SupremeLeader: Your CIA has it
SupremeLeader: The USS Roosevelt has ICBM missile 015486-B currently aimed at it

Bush43: Of course, of course...
Bush43: I forgot

SupremeLeader: Can they wrap the package in a plain brown paper?

Bush43: Not a problem

SupremeLeader: One thing...

Bush43: ?

SupremeLeader: I need a special size
SupremeLeader: 10 inches long by 6 inches wide

Bush43: Wow -
Bush43: But that's not a problem

SupremeLeader: Will the size require a custom order?

Bush43: Nah,
Bush43: In the USA we call that a "medium"

SupremeLeader: Really?

Bush43: Pretty much

SupremeLeader: Thanks for the help with a sensitive topic

Bush43: No problem
Bush43: I hope You and Dmitry have a nice time

SupremeLeader: WHAT?

Bush43: Just messin' with ya, Vlad
Bush43: Glad to help

SupremeLeader: Thanks

Bush43: Bye

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Feb 29: Bush and Kerry Reminisce

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11:18 AM EST Friday February 29, 2008

Bush43: You there?

IStillMatter: Yes

Bush43: Happy Leap Year Day!

IStillMatter: I don't understand

Bush43: It's the February bonus day
Bush43: The one we put on the calendar every 4 years
Bush43: To allow an extra day for campaigning

IStillMatter: I thought it had to do with calibrating the Earth's orbital timing
IStillMatter: A complete solar orbit is actually 365.3 days

Bush43: You sound like Gore
Bush43: Ya' gonna write a movie - "An Inconveenyet Orbit"?

IStillMatter: yi, yi, yi, yiiiiiii
IStillMatter: Leap Year is an accepted scientific truth
IStillMatter: The calculus has no detractors

Bush43: Gee thanks, smarty pants
Bush43: You trying to win a Noble Prize?

IStillMatter: That sarcasm is really not necessary
IStillMatter: And it's "Nobel"

Bush43: Whatever...
Bush43: So whaddaya up to today?

IStillMatter: Sitting here stunned that I am trading IMs with you

Bush43: Remember where we were 4 years ago?

IStillMatter: I was preparing for Super Tuesday - it was March 2, 2004
IStillMatter: Edwards was reeling

Bush43: You kicked his butt - took CA, NY and won 10 out of 9

IStillMatter: 10 out of 9?

Bush43: Whatever - you should know, you were there

IStillMatter: Yes, I was...

Bush43: Why did you choose pretty boy as VP?

IStillMatter: You know how it works - regional presence

Bush43: Too bad he couldn't influenza his own state.

IStillMatter: Uh, yeah.... that was a horrifying surprise
IStillMatter: I was not ebullient

Bush43: You were not what?

IStillMatter: Ebullient
IStillMatter: It's a fairly common S.A.T. word

Bush43: Sounds like the little cubes that make soup

IStillMatter: That's bullion!

Bush43: I thought bullion was gold
Bush43: We keep it in Fort Knocks

IStillMatter: You mean Knox!

Bush43: Stop correctin' me

IStillMatter: This is painful...

Bush43: 4 years ago Rove was tellin' me we were gonna whup you

IStillMatter: I can't believe you are commander in chief

Bush43: I also lead the military

IStillMatter: Ugh...

Bush43: You got indigestion?

IStillMatter: No, I have a headache

Bush43: You need an asspurin

IStillMatter: No kidding?!?!

Bush43: The Surgeon General brings 'em to me
Bush43: He's a doctor, but not a general like in the military

IStillMatter: I KNOW who the Surgeon General is

Bush43: That headache is makin' you testy

IStillMatter: No SH*T

Bush43: You constipateteed too?

IStillMatter: I am going to kill myself...

Bush43: You still not over the election?
Bush43: Or did you wake up still married to Heinz?

IStillMatter: I have to go

Bush43: Sounds like the constipashun might be fixed

IStillMatter: Good bye

Bush43: Ahdeeoce!
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