March 11: Edwards Calls To Bemoan

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11:36 PM EST Wednesday March 11, 2008

Delegates4U: John?

IStillMatter: Hey
IStillMatter: What's up?

Delegates4U: I don't get the whole Spitzer thing

IStillMatter: What part?

Delegates4U: He has a couple rolls in the hay with "work-for-hire staff" and bingo - there goes his whole career

IStillMatter: I think I know what you are thinking
IStillMatter: Bill "Teflon" Clinton banged half of Arkansas and groped the other half

Delegates4U: Damn straight!
Delegates4U: More like Bill "Latex" Clinton

IStillMatter: A lot of people are pissed about this...

Delegates4U: I get hammered for being a plaintiffs trial lawyer
Delegates4U: But an entire law firm could retire on Bill Clinton harassment cases

IStillMatter: Agree

Delegates4U: Hillary made me out to be some monster

IStillMatter: You're too cute to be a monster

Delegates4U: Thanks, but you are NOT helping

IStillMatter: Did you IM me to vent or do you have a question?
IStillMatter: Letterman's Top Ten is coming up and I don't want to miss it

Delegates4U: Record it or download it tomorrow

IStillMatter: Download it?
IStillMatter: How?

Delegates4U: The Internet

IStillMatter: Can't - I'm on bad terms with Gore
IStillMatter: A couple years back Al was going to have someone install it for me

Delegates4U: WHAT?

IStillMatter: We had a petty argument and that was that...

Delegates4U: You have no Internet because you had a spat with Al?!?!?!?

IStillMatter: Yep, it sucks.

Delegates4U: I don't know where to begin... nevermind.
Delegates4U: Then TIVO it

IStillMatter: What's TIVO?
IStillMatter: Isn't he one of the Jackson 5?

Delegates4U: That's TITO you dolt!

IStillMatter: Don't raise your voice
IStillMatter: Anyway, I can't record it - I am out of blank VHS tapes

Delegates4U: Maybe it's best you were not elected President

IStillMatter: WTF?

Delegates4U: The bi-planes you would have sent to Afghanistan would have been shot down

IStillMatter: har, har, har
IStillMatter: Listen, you are getting hostile and I am getting pissed
IStillMatter: Seriously, I don't want to miss the Top Ten

Delegates4U: Unbelievable!

IStillMatter: Really, do you have a question or not?

Delegates4U: I have a helluva lot more than when I started this thread
Delegates4U: But I now have a headache and don't want to even begin...

IStillMatter: COOL!

Delegates4U: What?

IStillMatter: The list is "Top Ten Messages Left On Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine"

Delegates4U: Why is that cool?

IStillMatter: Whenever it is NOT about me, I am happy

Delegates4U: You have low standards, my friend

IStillMatter: Checkout number 9 "It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Nevermind."
IStillMatter: I still have a chance!

Delegates4U: To be Obama's VP?
Delegates4U: I had no idea you were even interested

IStillMatter: At this point I am up for anything
IStillMatter: Listen, I gotta go - I don't want to miss the rest of the list

Delegates4U: Later...

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March 6: Kerry and Gore Hatch A Plan

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11:18 AM EST Thursday March 6, 2008

$avingThePlanet: Senator

IStillMatter: Hi Al!

$avingThePlanet: We need to talk

IStillMatter: You get a call from Dean too?

$avingThePlanet: I certainly did

IStillMatter: In my book, he's still insane

$avingThePlanet: I agree - his icecaps are melting

IStillMatter: Ha - very funny

$avingThePlanet: We need to save the party

IStillMatter: Save the planet, save the party - you seen to be always saving something

$avingThePlanet: I also just saved $219 on my car insurance
$avingThePlanet: Heh, heh, heh - a little joke there

IStillMatter: Al, as a friend... don't even try to tell jokes

$avingThePlanet: You're probably right
$avingThePlanet: I hear that a lot, actually

IStillMatter: And there's no Nobel prize for Stand-Up Comedy

$avingThePlanet: Hmm,... that's even more reason not to do it

IStillMatter: Back to the party problem

$avingThePlanet: Dean has lost control...

IStillMatter: Hillary is being even more divisive than usual...

$avingThePlanet: Now THAT's saying something

IStillMatter: True

$avingThePlanet: We need to neutralize the situation so the party can prepare to defeat McCain in November

IStillMatter: Any ideas?

$avingThePlanet: We need a peace plan

IStillMatter: What about a Camp David summit?

$avingThePlanet: Except that the current Camp David landlord is "W"

IStillMatter: Crap - right, that won't work

$avingThePlanet: We need a plan to bring them together

IStillMatter: Unfortunately both want to run for President

$avingThePlanet: One needs to agree to be VP

IStillMatter: What about sending them to Club Med

$avingThePlanet: What?!?

IStillMatter: It worked for Rep. Barney Frank and Sen. Larry Craig
IStillMatter: They were locked in heated a Senate vs. House debate over the farm bill
IStillMatter: But - after a weekend at Club Med, they seem to have worked things out

$avingThePlanet: I...... I don't think that works in this case

IStillMatter: Why not - have you seen Obamas wife?
IStillMatter: I tell ya, that there is anger on wheels
IStillMatter: She's the kind of woman you have to drop with the first punch

$avingThePlanet: WHAT?!?

IStillMatter: No, seriously - if you just wing her, you're screwed - it's gonna be a battle

$avingThePlanet: Senator, I really think we need to take a different approach

IStillMatter: You have any ideas?

$avingThePlanet: Maybe we could persuade the Florida delegates to follow the OVERALL delegate totals

IStillMatter: You mean ignore the primary vote?

$avingThePlanet: There wasn't a vote

IStillMatter: So get them to abamdon hillary?

$avingThePlanet: Precisely

IStillMatter: Are you sure you can get the Florida Democratic Party people to do what you want?

$avingThePlanet: I am quite confident

IStillMatter: How so?

$avingThePlanet: You could say they owe me one...

IStillMatter: oops, I forgot

$avingThePlanet: This is delicious, actually

IStillMatter: Revenge is a dish best served cold

$avingThePlanet: And thanks to global warming, no child will ever have to eat a cold meal

IStillMatter: ?

$avingThePlanet: Just a little joke, there

IStillMatter: Here again, Al - don't try to tell jokes

$avingThePlanet: Sorry

IStillMatter: If this works, you could take credit, write a book, go on a lecture tour, and win a Nobel PEACE prize

$avingThePlanet: I like the way you think!

IStillMatter: Keep me posted

$avingThePlanet: Will-do

IStillMatter: Gotta go. My yacht is being detailed and I have to pick it up by noon

$avingThePlanet: You should consider a sailboat

IStillMatter: Too preppy
IStillMatter: And chicks dig the yacht
IStillMatter: When the four 600-horsepower diesel engines fire up, it's an impressive sight

$avingThePlanet: You know, John - when this is over, we should really talk about your carbon footprint

IStillMatter: I'll think about it

$avingThePlanet: Have a nice weekend

IStillMatter: later....

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Feb 26: Kerry Encourages Obama

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8:52 AM EST Tuesday February 26, 2008

IStillMatter: Barack?

BigMo4DC: Hello, Senator

IStillMatter: Good luck tonight in Cleveland

BigMo4DC: Thank You

IStillMatter: I mean that

BigMo4DC: I believe you

IStillMatter: This is entertaining

BigMo4DC: Sorry?

IStillMatter: They screwed me, so to speak

BigMo4DC: I understand

IStillMatter: They wanted me to lose!
IStillMatter: Now their plan has back-fired

BigMo4DC: The scenario is widely circulated and understood

IStillMatter: I will enjoy watching that carpet bagger and her zipper-challenged husband go down in flames!
IStillMatter: I will be rooting for you tonight

BigMo4DC: Again, thank you Senator

IStillMatter: Destroy her!

BigMo4DC: You sure seem intense

IStillMatter: Intense?
IStillMatter: You should see Gore!

BigMo4DC: Well, Gore is doing good work in the investment community
BigMo4DC: and...time heals all wounds

IStillMatter: Time heals?
IStillMatter: Maybe in 2075 when the Earth is 200 degrees...
IStillMatter: Until then, I would say he's still pissed

BigMo4DC: I need to prepare and it looks like you could use a drink

IStillMatter: Maybe I do need one

BigMo4DC: Thank you for the encouragement

IStillMatter: One last thing...

BigMo4DC: O.K.

IStillMatter: A little secret weapon for you

BigMo4DC: What is it?

IStillMatter: I found out something about Hillary
IStillMatter: Interested?

BigMo4DC: Well, we KNOW her surrogates circulated the pictures of me in Arab garb this morning...

IStillMatter: No, this is better

BigMo4DC: What is it

IStillMatter: Hillary is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: WTF?!?

IStillMatter: I was similarly surprised!

BigMo4DC: No, no, no - that's not it
BigMo4DC: I think you mean something MUCH MUCH different

IStillMatter: But I got this from a reliable source

BigMo4DC: Where?

IStillMatter: An associate had breakfast with Karl Rove
IStillMatter: Rove accidentally left a paper marked "intelligence" report on the table when he left

BigMo4DC: Accidentally?...
BigMo4DC: When does Rove "accidentally" do anything?

IStillMatter: You think I am being used?

BigMo4DC: What do YOU think?

IStillMatter: I think America should know if the next President is Lebanese!

BigMo4DC: I think you should have a nice stiff drink

IStillMatter: Good luck

BigMo4DC: Thanks

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