Feb 19: Colmes Seeks Out Teddy

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9:06 AM EST Tuesday February 19, 2008

ColmesFOX: Senator?

MassPatriarch: Hello Alan

ColmesFOX: Thanks for making time

MassPatriarch: Nice to be here
MassPatriarch: A big hello to your audience

ColmesFOX: Uh,.. Senator - this is IM

ColmesFOX: We're not on the air

MassPatriarch: My mistake

ColmesFOX: No problem

ColmesFOX: What's your reaction to Obama plagiarism issue?

MassPatriarch: Not sure there is an issue at all

ColmesFOX: Sure there is
ColmesFOX: The dynamic, amazing, "ready-on-day-one" Senator Clinton brought it up
ColmesFOX: The inexperienced, shallow, unqualified Senator Obama appears to have made a serious gaffe

MassPatriarch: I'm taken aback by your intriguing use of adjectives

ColmesFOX: Perhaps I was intoxicated with enthusiasm
ColmesFOX: Sorry, I veered off the road a bit

MassPatriarch: I know you lean toward Clinton

ColmesFOX: I didn't mean to drown you in descriptives

ColmesFOX: You were a helpless passenger as I want on a bit of a rant

MassPatriarch: Uh,...

ColmesFOX: Senator?

MassPatriarch: Still here

ColmesFOX: Uh,... o.k. ... getting back to the question

MassPatriarch: Look, there's no story here

ColmesFOX: Obama quoted Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick

MassPatriarch: And?

ColmesFOX: Sir, he did so without attribution

MassPatriarch: Yeah, so?

ColmesFOX: You don't see anything wrong with that?

MassPatriarch: Explain why I would

ColmesFOX: I was hoping you give me that answer

MassPatriarch: C'mon - Barack was quoting a fellow Democrat
MassPatriarch: A fellow African-American
MassPatriarch: Brothers in the quest to integrate American Politics
MassPatriarch: and, AHEM, Deval had NO PROBLEM with it

ColmesFOX: I guess I see the point
ColmesFOX: The Clinton people got me revved up

MassPatriarch: I think you mean hypnotized

ColmesFOX: perhaps...

MassPatriarch: Say, on another topic, I could use a favor
MassPatriarch: Can you get me Coulter's cell number?

ColmesFOX: What for?

MassPatriarch: She's hot

ColmesFOX: Do I understand this...
ColmesFOX: You want to ask her out?

MassPatriarch: It's worth a shot...

ColmesFOX: I'm really uncomfortable here

MassPatriarch: Don't be
MassPatriarch: It's simple, really...
MassPatriarch: I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to screw a Republican

ColmesFOX: I have to ignore that comment

MassPatriarch: Oh Alan, you are wound too tight
MassPatriarch: You should take a vacation and mellow out

ColmesFOX: You may have a point

MassPatriarch: Have a drink

ColmesFOX: I think I need one

MassPatriarch: Call if you need anything else

ColmesFOX: Thank you, Senator

MassPatriarch: The cell number?

ColmesFOX: I'll work on it

MassPatriarch: You know where to find me

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Jan 31: Colmes Needs a Fact Check

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9:00 AM EST Thursday January 31, 2008

ColmesFOX: Senator?

MassPatriarch: How did you get my IM?

ColmesFOX: Rupert's Spy Satellite

MassPatriarch: Forgot

ColmesFOX: I need some help

MassPatriarch: What's up?

ColmesFOX: We're running the Edward's Drop-out as Top Story
ColmesFOX: But effing Hannity is spinning "DNC disarray"
ColmesFOX: I want to get back to your endorsement of Obama

MassPatriarch: What do you need from me?

ColmesFOX: O.K. Hannity has a graphic comparing Obama's polling bounce with your weekly Chivas consumption.

MassPatriarch: Where on Earth do they get this?

ColmesFOX: It's a pretty standard conservative hit-angle, sir

MassPatriarch: You can categorically deny it is true.

ColmesFOX: That's no problem,... but how-so?

MassPatriarch: I am back to Crown Royal.

ColmesFOX: PERFECT!

MassPatriarch: We never spoke. You can't reference a source.

ColmesFOX: of course...

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Jan 26: Ted and Obama Close The Deal

08:12 AM EST SATURDAY JANUARY 26, 2008

MassPatriarch: Obama?

ILLIN’4DC: talking to FOX TV brb...

MassPatriarch: kewl

ILLIN’4DC: I’m back

MassPatriarch: the family voted

MassPatriarch: we’re behind you

ILLIN’4DC: awesome - did I carry all the districts? Was it a landslide?

MassPatriarch: Yes. Caroline, Patrick – the whole fam damily

ILLIN’4DC: Great. Even West Virginia and Illinois? did you have to “adjust” any votes? Ha, ha…

MassPatriarch: Uhh,… wtf?

ILLIN’4DC: bad joke about ‘60

MassPatriarch: huh? how the hell would you know… nevermind

MassPatriarch: anyway - we want to announce on our terms

ILLIN’4DC: of course, of course

ILLIN’4DC: listen, I really appreciate this

MassPatriarch: you should - we went to the mat for you. Effing billary called me

ILLIN’4DC: HE did?

MassPatriarch: yup. he tried to call the world and futz it up. no worries, though

ILLIN’4DC: what happened?

MassPatriarch: I did the &#@% math for him, that’s what happened

ILLIN’4DC: I don’t follow

MassPatriarch: Our century of power and influence versus his measly decade

ILLIN’4DC: I get it

MassPatriarch: so did he

MassPatriarch: he WAS pissed but he’ll get over it. Gonna check-in on him tomorrow.

MassPatriarch: Anyway - gotta go. Caroline wants me to get a damn facial before the announcement on TV

ILLIN’4DC: she has good intentions

MassPatriarch: true. Later – out.

ILLIN’4DC: bye